As many of you know I had the extreme pleasure of working with Brian
Bianchini from the age of 19-23. I "discovered" him in a coffee shop in San
Francisco and urged him to get into the business. Although hesitant at first, he
later enjoyed success with Abercrombie and Fitch ( his first job) and several
high profile editorial and commercials spots, as well as film roles.
Brian was like a little brother to me- he was my roommate- and I managed him
for his entire career. I watched him turn from a boy into a man. He lost the
innocent small town attitude and learned to live in New York, traveled to Europe
and Asia filming movies and commercials- this was a big accomplishment
considering he had never been outside the San Francisco Bar Area his entire
During my time with Brian, I learned that Brian was prone to deep
depressions. He would sometimes disappear for three or four days and show up
later cut and bruised. I learned that he would go out to the desert and sit and
think. He told me that he heard voices in his head and that he could not make
them go away. He would wonder around and not sleep. Around this time he also
began drinking. Heavily. He said it helped to steady his nerves and helped to
quiet the "voices."
I encouraged Brian several times to seek help. He was not into seeing anyone.
He thought it would go away on his own. Three times Brian attempted suicide when
he lived at our house. I had to call Suicide Prevention at one point to talk him
out of it. Later he cried to me saying that he was so so unhappy and he did not
know how to make "the pain go away." He felt the only way was to die.
I tried everything I could to get him help. Brian refused traditional
therapy. He got deeply involved in martial arts. He said it helped him to focus
and stay centered. I encouraged anything that made him feel "good."
He continued to pursue his career and we were almost through with a coffee
table book project with George Machado when one day while at my office he called
and said he had a gun and was going to shoot himself. He said he wanted to warn
me ahead of time. He was going out to the desert to take his life. I begged and
pleaded with Brian to not doing anything and to stay home until I got there. I
raced home and he was gone. I called Brian on his cell and persuaded him to come
back home. He later had a huge ugly break up with his girlfriend, and he nose
For five days he slept and or laid on the couch. He did not leave the house.
Did not eat. Nothing. I received a call from the producers of The Young and the
Restless- they wanted Brian to come in and read for them. I put them off a few a
days- said he was in New York- he was in no shape to meet with anyone at this
point, and I was not concerned abut his career, but instead getting him healthy.
The next day I got up to go into the office and Brian was in the kitchen
making one of his usual huge breakfasts- ham, eggs, and a protein shake. He
seemed happy. We talked a bit - he said he was feeling better and that he was
sorry for all the drama he had caused the last few weeks. " No need to
apologize- I just want you to take some time off. Go home and visit your family.
Get some rest and deal with your depression."
The next day he decided to move back home to the Bay Area. He thought getting
out of LA and being with his family would help him clear his head and perhaps he
would seek treatment there. We had an incredibly tearful departure. I cried-he
cried. It was awful. The worst day of my life. Brian promised that he would not
do anything "stupid" and he would be back once he got his "shit together."
We talked several times over the next few months. He was at home, looking for
a job so he could buy a new car. He had crashed his car a week before he left.
Then, all of a sudden I never heard from him again.
Last week I received a phone call from a friend in San Francisco tell ing me
that they had read Brian's obituary in the newspaper. I was shocked. I was not
prepared to hear this but at the same time not surprised I know that sounds
weird, but I knew that he was not around people who were supportive of medical
or mental therapy and that is what he truly needed. I know Brian is happier now.
He was in so much pain- emotionally, spiritually....the poor kid who looked like
he could have the world in the palm of his hands, died by that hand.
Brian was my family. He did not care that I was gay nor did he care what
people thought. He knew the truth of our relationship. He left me a letter when
he moved home that I reread last night. He asked me to pray for hiim to find the
strength NOT to kill himself and seek help. He also gave me the rights to all of
his iimages so I will be posting some new images of Brian for his fans.
Brian Bianchini was an amazing person. Brian was a truly smart and gifted
man and I feel blessed to have had the experience of his presence in my life. I
will never forget him.
The reason I am writing this is because if you have anyone- friend or family
that suffers from severe depression or wild mood swings, please urge them to get
treatment. They are not crazy, they just need help. This and many other suicides
could have been avoided.